September 20, 2004
My life really is becoming hell. I'm getting tired of it. Due to the fact that some people don't like me mentioning names on here, I'll have to attempt to post on here without names.
During lunch, my depression was apparent, and when this guy I sit with contradicted me, I snapped at him. I then walked off. I guess my music is becoming less and less effective as time goes on. Oh well.
I walked up to this junior girl's house, and spent quite a while there. It was fun, too. We talked about this situation involving a guy that rides our bus, whom asked her to homecoming. This whole thing was a complete mess, so we kind of argued over it. I also helped her with her math homework. I don't know why some people have a lot of trouble with math. During the visit, a group of girls from a Mormon church came to the door, with a couple of books. She got one and I got one, and we were lectured a bit about it. I have to admit, it was pretty interesting. Then, the girl and I hugged and I walked back home. I've come to enjoy walking, even though my shin splints are a complete pain. On the way back, I was able to login into someone's wireless router and cruise the web on my Dell Axim, which was pretty cool.
When I got home, I called this girl that I had asked out before. There was no talk about this, especially since I didn't mention it once. There was talk over my ex hating me, and how she spread stuff about me. There was also some religious propaganda spoken by her, which was kind of annoying. Doesn't she realize that this crap won't work on me? No one has been able to help me with my depression, since I'm too much of a logical pessimist. I pretty much have no hope. I don't think I want to have to deal with her again.
I've finally snapped at my mom. I told her I needed help, and she wasn't willing to give me any. I guess how most kids get help don't work for me. I was yelling at her until my voice became hoarse and scratchy. I also started crying while yelling. This is another step in my life turning from bad to pure hell. I don't want to live anymore.